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Excerpted from
Overcoming the Inheritance Taboo
Penguin/Plume, published June, 2004.
Copyright © 2004 Steven J. Hendlin, Ph.D.
All rights reserved.
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Table of Contents
Preface
- The Drama and the Fury Around Inheritance
- Outline of the Book
- Who Is This Book For?
Part One: Before the Crisis
Chapter 1 - The Inheritance Taboo
- What Makes it a Taboo?
- Superstitious Thinking
- Are You Ready to Face the Taboo?
Chapter 2 Roles in the Family Drama: Givers
- The Miserly Type: "It's my money and I don't have to share it with anyone."
- The Generous Type: "It gives me great pleasure to have you enjoy my money and to pass on some of my possessions to you while I'm still alive."
- The Martyr Type: "My needs are small-don't worry about me."
- The Wishful Thinker: "Don't worry about it, everything will be just fine."
- The Squandering Type: "I'm spending my children's inheritance. Live for the moment, baby, know what I mean?"
Chapter 3 - Roles in the Family Drama: Receivers
- The Wicked One: "You'll get yours my little pretty! All in good time..."
- The Favorite Child: "Mom loves me the most, you'll see."
- The Lost and Forgotten Child: "Don't forget, she's my mom, too."
- The Problem Child: "I've got the most problems and need the most
help, so don't begrudge me getting more than you do."
- The Trust Fund Child: "If I don't suck up, he'll deny me my money."
- The Adopted Child: "I brought so much joy to your life when you
couldn't have children. Please do right by me in return."
- The Child Who Has His Own: "Don't deny me just because I'm smart,
successful, and never needed your money to bail me out."
- The Second Wife/Husband: "I'm the one who loves you now. Please be
sure to provide for me. After all, you promised me you would."
- The Teacher-Guru: "I'm the one who supported and coached you. A
small gift of your appreciation surely isn't too much to ask."
- The Best Friend and Confidant: "We go way back-don't forget it."
- The Daddy-Doll Girlfriend: "I brought you so much pleasure and made
you feel young again! Take care of me good, Sugar Daddy."
- The Deserving Charity: Just think of how many wonderful, deserving
people your thoughtful contribution could help once you are gone. God
will reward you in heaven for your generosity."
Chapter 4 - Here Comes Your Final Report Card
- Feelings About Your Family
- What If You Fail in Your Final Grade?
Chapter 5 - Disinheritance as a Weapon
- Example of Disinheritance Threat
- The Wealthy Trust Fund Child
- Confronting the Disinheritance Issue
- The Concept of Fairness
- What If You're Disinherited?
Chapter 6 - Think Inheritance is Your Birthright? Think Again!
- How Do We Come to Expect an Inheritance?
- Entitlement: From the Child's Point of View
- The Return of the Need to Be Nurtured
- Giving Up the Expectation of Inheritance
- Your Own Feelings of Entitlement
- "We're Spending Our Children's Inheritance"
Chapter 7 - Deciding to Plan For You and Your Clan
- What is an Estate Plan?
- Choosing a Successor Trustee
- Assessing Your Level of Child/Sibling Trust
- Planning for the "What if " Contingency
- Legal and Health Care Directives
- Expressing Your Wishes in Your Will
Part Two: During Crisis and After Death
Chapter 8 - Exploring Beliefs, Values and Emotions
- The Levels of Denial
- Confronting the Conspiracy of Silence
- Respecting the Right Not to Talk About Death or Dying
- Valuing Death and Letting Go of Attachment
- Communication Tools
- Exploring Your Beliefs and Values
- Key Emotions During Crisis
Chapter 9 - Insight Into Your Emotional Reactions
- Fear of Abandonment Versus Fear of Engulfment
- Unresolved Issues Surfacing During Crisis
- Inheritance Roles and Unresolved Issues
- How Parents Can Minimize Sibling Conflict
Chapter 10 - Possessions Live Forever
- The Need for Nurturing and Hunger for Possessions
- Preserving Family History and Ritual
- Example of Estrangement and Inheritance
Chapter 11 - Dividing the Goods Without the "Shoulds"
- Power and Control Issues
- Fairness Revisited
- Announcing the Ground Rules
- Announcing Prior Claims
- Who is Included?
- Let the Choosing Begin
- Managing and Resolving Conflicts
Chapter 12 - Managing Grief and Finding Relief
- Stages of Grieving
- Grief Work
- Forging New Directions
References
To see the Introduction, click here.
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